Being Thankful

On my first Thanksgiving without my son, Michael, I pause to consider what I am thankful for.  It is very difficult.  Before Michael passed, if you asked me that question, it would have been easy.  I was thankful for being a Mom to my two sons, a Wife to my beloved husband, a home owner, and thankful for my faith, my family and friends, and my husbands military career.  It's an easy response, but one that I felt so very strongly.  I appreciated my world so very, very much.  I would tell people that I was happy and that I had accomplished everything that I had set out to do. 

Now, it is not as easy.  To start with, the thoughts don't come as easily because they are so shrouded in pain.  It is so very difficult to look back and so very painful to look forward.  I live in the NOW as much as I can.  As I write this, I will tell you my thoughts that come out.  I am thankful that Michael was my son.  I am thankful that God gave me 20 years with my precious child.  I am thankful that the Lord has made my memories of our time together so vivid in my mind.  I am thankful that I am here to write this.  I am thankful that Brian, Bryan and I are doing fairly well mentally and physically.  I am thankful that God has been with me this year.  I am thankful that my faith continues to be strong.  I am thankful for each magical thing that happens that strengthens my faith.  I am thankful for my friends here in Japan; I wouldn't have done as well without their love, their compassion and their spirit.  I am thankful that my husband is retiring and completed his degree.  I am thankful that my husband is home and doesn't have to go back out to sea ever again.  I am thankful that Bryan has his friends here in Japan that have helped him weather the storm of this year.  I am thankful for my family back home that keeps thinking of us, praying for us, and waiting on us to return.  I am thankful for each beautiful day that I wake and walk and see, feel, and touch God's miracle that is this world that we live in.  I am thankful that he gives me the opportunity to walk in faith, live a life of service, and have the chance to live in eternity with him.  I am thankful that I know that God is taking care of Michael, just as he takes care of us all.

There are always going to be reasons to be sad, to lose understanding, to be mortified by the cruel things put in our paths.  After this year, I know that no matter what happens, God is with me.  He is my strength and my salvation.  I look to him for guidance and strength.  I am Thankful.